I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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