It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
