About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize