i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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