Dual....:-)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize