I think i peed on brittanys purse
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
