Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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