Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes