are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?