I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
