My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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