Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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