Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
