i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
