My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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