Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
