Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
