my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Holy shit dude........stairs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize