I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
