ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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