New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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