I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
