My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
