Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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