if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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