I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
