I look better un-naked...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
