I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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