Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize