you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?