Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
