Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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