The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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