I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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