listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize