my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
