I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
