Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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