if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize