the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize