You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
