i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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