i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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