Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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