walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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