Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!