I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.