You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dating After Heartbreak
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.