considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.