I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?