I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?