final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.