just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
