I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
