"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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