you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
