How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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